Code Words for dealing with Mental Health

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. It seems a good time to publish this list, from The Mighty, for those who are dealing personally with their mental health and for the friends and family of people who are showing signs of hiding their mental issues. Or even admitting they are having these issues. So here goes:

Oftentimes, when someone is struggling with their mental health, they won't come right out and say it. Some may hint at what they are feeling, hoping other pick up on clues. Others may use language that means "I need help" without actually saying the words-because saying them can sometimes make it feel too real, or might be afraid of how others will react.

No matter what reason someone has for using "code words," it's important we talk about what kinds of phrases to look out for. Talking about these phrases can help us identify loved ones who are struggling and get them to the resources and support they need.

Here are phrases the community of The Mighty shared:
1.  "I'm not feeling well".
       "It's not untrue and I don't have to explain myself. People automatically assume I have a cold or something"  - Mackenzie C.
         "It's true. Majority of the time, depression keeps me exhausted and anxiety keeps me awake, so I get no respite from my brain. Top that with the stress of nursing school, and I literally don't feel well". - Bria M

2. "Well, I'm alive!"
       "I just realized that whenever people ask me how I'm doing, I say, 'Well, I'm alive!' or 'Well, I'm here!'. It's basically my way of saying that somehow, I am still alive and carrying on even though I am so exhausted and fight every day." - Kellyann N.
       I find myself saying this. 

3. "I didn't sleep well last night"
      "It's more acceptable to be tired from a bad night's sleep than it is to be too exhaused to deal with life today."  - Ciara L
       "It's an immediate response I turn to because I'm just always tired of my depression, but I'm not the best at lying." - Max W.

4.  "Eh, you know."
      "No, they probably don't. But are they still able to identify with you? One hundred percent. And that makes them thin you're OK." - Josie S.

5.  "It's too much."
      "I say this whenever all my thoughts overwhelm me and I have no way of truly telling anyone how bad I really feel."  - Erin R

6. "I'm exhausted."
      "Just not the kind that can be cured by sleep. Some days I get so tired of fighting to survive and don't want to fight anymore." - Alecia F.
        "It's the truth, every illness I have exhausts me to the core, but they usually brush it off as mom exhaustion (which also plays a part)." - Joanna G.
        "I'm tired' usually means a lot from not feeling well to being emotionally exhausted." - Breeanna

7. "I'm just out of it today."
     "Code for : I really don't feel myself right now and it's scaring me. Those days don't happen often but when they do, I'm afraid I'm relapsing and I will need to readjust my medication." - Christa M

8. "I'm fine."      Another personal favorite of mine
     "I'm fine, honestly.'  There are many times I've been struggling and even thought I've been asked if I'm OK, I just can't always seem to be honest and explain that I'm not.  Usually because I can't even make sense of it myself to tell someone else. Then I kick myself afterwards for not saying something. Can't win." - Amy W.
      "(for me) fine never means fine. If I'm vague like that, then I'm hurting but won't admit it. If I'm good, I'll say that but won't openly admit to struggling." - Jackie S

9. "I'm bored".
     "Meaning that I'm so sick and tired and I've had too many struggles today and don't feel very good." - Densa

10. "I'm having an 'off day' ".
       "Code for I don't feel like me today, today is harder than other days. I may not act like I need you checking in on me, but I actually really do." - Jenna L
        "Off" means I need time off from any responsibilities and wait for the feeling to pass. Hopefully."
        "I'm just a lil off. It's my code for: 'I feel like I'm imploding but I don't want to burden you". Jace

11. "I'm hanging in there."  Another on my list  
      "Usually said because I don't want to bother anyone with the things that are going on in my head.""  Katie S

12.  "I've been listening to music a lot today."
        "Music is how I get away from the nightmare in my head. And when I can't listen to it, I'm just quiet. Unfortunately the people around me don recognize either of these. Ever. " - Megs G.

13.  "I don't want to be alone."
         "That's when it's really bad and I really need someone.  Otherwise I'm usually silent and not my bubbly self." - Milly S

14. "I'm all good, don't worry."
       "It's just what I do. (I) don't want others worrying about me-gotta help fix them before I fix me." - Alexis D

15. "I just can't today."
       "(when I'm) not feeling tood good." - Scarlett E

I know this is a lot. It's so true. Take a minute, think of yourself or your friends. Do any of these phrases sound familiar? Start listening for them, pay attention. You can save yourself or someone else.  Being diagnosed with depression (love my Lexapro) and anxiety (yay Klonapam), I admit to still using some of these codes. And they are so frequently (always) unnoticed. Which I think is because of a lack of education among even the most educated & intelligent of my friends.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. It is the only truly constructive thing I've done today. And it did prove that I can still type like the secretary I was trained to be (smiley face).

How to Survive The Dark Times.

Day 2, past the end of the world as we knew it.
     The sun is shining. It seems I have caught up on lost sleep.
Much as I loathe the phrase "It is what it is", it seems appropriate.
     After 8 years of hearing my President referred to with disrespect, seeing disparaging cartoons and listening to the total ignorance of all the good things he accomplished,The Shoe Is On The Other Foot.
    I seriously doubt I will ever again use the words President in the same sentence with the word Trump.
    For years, President Obama was disrespected by all forms of media and haters. Now it's my turn. There will be no respect for #45. IF the totally unlikely happens & he should earn it, this will be revisited. 
    In the meantime, #45 will suffice.
Much as I love a good beach, the plans to move to Mexico are on hold.
   What will the future hold?
How can we band together to guard our lives and the futures of our children, grandchildren and great-grands?  I have no answers aside from vigilance & education.
    Somehow we survived Bush 1 & 2. We will survive #45, but how? What state will we be in 4 years from now?
     The crystal ball is out of order.
We must draw our circle of love close.
We must take care of each other. 
We must be kind to others. 
Yep, Love will trump Hate.
     So on Day 2 of The New World Order, it's time to start.

Adulting - a necessary evil

Adulting: behaving like an actual grown up, especially when you don't want to.
 
So today I passed up an invitation to do fun stuff because
   1. 2:00 appointment with my shrink 
   2. If the casa isn't tidied up I'll go bonkers 
       (Winter decor is finally put away. Spring is in a state of indecision.)
       (Not even talking about the office/craft room. That's another depressing story)
   3. Fun stuff usually involves spending $$. And I am determined to be frugal. 

My therapist/friend Bev would be so proud of me, if only I could share with her. She up & retired on me, carrying adulting to a new level.

Comment away, because I can't be the only one who has these issues.

The Celebration of Winter Solstice

A lovely explanation of Winter Solstice. I celebrate this event with friends, warm food & wine and great joy.
Google "The White Goddess" to go to the page with the complete article. Clicking on the word Sun (in blue) will also bring it up for you.

As a person who suffers from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) I truly celebrate the return of the sun. And the traditions associated with Winter Solstice bring warmth to my heart and home.

The origin of the word Yule, has several suggested origins from the Old English word, geõla, the Old Norse word jõl, a pagan festival celebrated at the winter solstice, or the Anglo-Saxon word for the festival of the Winter Solstice, 'Iul' meaning 'wheel'. In old almanacs Yule was represented by the symbol of a wheel, conveying the idea of the year turning like a wheel, The Great Wheel of the Zodiac, The Wheel of Life. The spokes of the wheel, were the old festivals of the year, the solstices and equinoxes.
The winter solstice, the rebirth of the Sun, is an important turning point, as it marks the shortest day, when the hours of daylight are at their least. It also the start of the increase in the hours of daylight, until the Summer Solstice, when darkness becomes ascendant once more.

Yule is deeply rooted in the cycle of the year, it is the seed time of year, the longest night and the shortest day, where the Goddess once again becomes the Great Mother and gives birth to the new Sun King. In a poetic sense it is on this the longest night of the winter, 'the dark night of our souls', that there springs the new spark of hope, the Sacred Fire, the Light of the World, the Coel Coeth.

Fire festivals, celebrating the rebirth of the Sun, held on the Winter's Solstice can be found throughout the ancient world. The Roman festival of Saturnalia was held on the winter solstice, boughs of evergreen trees and bushes would decorate the house, gifts where exchanged and normal business was suspended. The Persian Mithraists held December 25th as sacred to the birth of their Sun God, Mithras, and celebrated it as a victory of light over darkness. In Sweden, December 13th was sacred to the Goddess Lucina, Shining One, and was a celebration of the return of the light. On Yule itself, around the 21st, bonfires were lit to honor Odin and Thor.

The festival was already closely associated with the birth of older Pagan gods like Oedipus, Theseus, Hercules, Perseus, Jason, Dionysus, Apollo, Mithra, Horus and even Arthur with a cycle of birth, death and resurrection that is also very close to that of Jesus. It can hardly be a coincidence that the Christians, also used this time of year for the birth of Christ, mystically linking him with the Sun. 

Ironically, also using it to lure the Pagans, Wiccans, Druids to the new Christian religion. It was no accident.

My party planning is under way, invitations out via Facebook. Check Your EVENTS.   If you don't FB, contact me for all the details.

Susan

How to Change the Future of Guns & People

So yesterday, while Sharon Hilt & I were decorating a friends home, in preparation for her celebration of the holiday of her choice, a group of terrorists killed an obscene amount of people. We knew nothing about it until Gwen came home. And my heart broke again.
If, by some miracle, actual, good 'gun control' was passed today, IT'S TOO LATE. There are too many guns owned by people who have no business having them to ever be able to regulate. EVER. Society as a whole needs to change. RIGHT NOW. SOMEHOW people must stop irrationally hating other people so much they feel the need to kill them. How do we teach people to stop hating? How do we know who to be worried about having a killing attack? Our Country (because, check the stats-Europe does not have this problem) has gone mad. We shouldn't have to be afraid if we go to the movies, we'll be injured or killed. We shouldn't have to be afraid of our kids going to school & coming home OK. This is bigger than gun control.
I really don't know the answer, only the problem. The problem is hate. How do we change that? The people who already are carrying a load of hate are who we need to fear, and help. It's not mental health in terms of mental illness but is a culture of mental health of hate, aversion, bullying and disrespect.
How happy I would be to see my Facebook feed full of the the hope of the future, the children. A day of nothing posted but Graham, Ella, Delaney, Felix, Henry, Marion, Grace and all the other children who are our future. These babies will not be taught to hate. How do we save the others who don't have the same kind of parents?
Susan Hilt, Mom, Grandma,
Activist & Heartbroken Human

No good deed goes unpunished, The Final Chapter

The ironic story of  how Doing a Good Deed can come back to bite you in the butt months later.

      Not being fond of bill paying, I write several months of rent checks at one time, post-dated to match the arrival of the Welfare Check (mom's words). I dutifully logged 1958, 1959, 1960, wrote 1961 & missed logging it. This will come into play later.
     In July, I became friendly with a young woman at work. Her car was stolen and recovered with damage, including the loss of the car seat for her darling baby girl. I reached out to my friends. The wonderful people in my circle donated money to repair her car and a car seat to replace the lost. Wisely, I handled the payments to the auto repair shop. I brought her into my home to get the on-line paperwork completed to be sure she had proper pre-natal care, since she was pregnant again. We discussed the trip to Planned Parenthood we would be making after the birth of baby #2. A couple weeks later, she needed to follow up, so I put her in front of my computer, on my desk and went about my house stuff.
      During a routine check of my bank account, I noticed a check for $200, which I had not written. Printed the check out - SURPRISE. Made out to this young woman, in her hand writing. Just not signed. Luckily, my bank had not disbursed the funds. That check went back to the poor sap who accepted and paid $200 for an unsigned check. According to my check register, checks #1961 & #1962 were missing. 1962 was fraudulently written, #1961 unaccounted for. So a Stop Payment was put on it.
     Come August/September:  mysterious charges on my debit card. I live alone, rarely is anyone else in my office. It seems this same young woman had copied down the info for my card (conveniently FOR ME taped to the monitor). I now know she has T-Moblile, is fond of North China food and Pizza Hut. Cancelled the card, was reimbursed by the bank, less fees, for the stolen funds.
     Final insult to injury: Check #1961 was actually written to my long-suffering landlords. Who had been so understanding about holding the check until it the money was there. And It Was The Stop Payment Check. Let's add another couple fees (mine & theirs) to the price of doing a good deed.
     No, I did not file charges on the stolen check. I could not have it on my conscience that her daughter would be thrown into the system if she went to jail. Someone will do it, sometime soon I'm pretty sure. It just won't be me.
     This will not stop me from trying to help someone else. I just will be be MUCH MORE CAREFUL about who and where.
     The framed plaque "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" (a remnant of a real estate deal) is out again.

To Clean or Not to Clean? That is the question.

Can anyone explain to me the decidedly female mania about cleaning the house before anyone from out of town comes to visit?
I mean, I live in it every day. It's good enough for me.
My house has a certain reputation for being 'company' presentable all the time. Actually, most entertaining happens after dark. There is a reason for that. If everything is picked up, put away & tidy, the layer of dust is not visible. It is even less visible if untouched, leaving an even surface with nothing to mar the look. I do knock the dust off the wine rack & bottles, because it's a sure bet someone is going to go there.
The bathroom is the only room I make an effort to make company presentable. I have tried lighting candles in there but someone always finds the light switch. And they close the door. So it is mandatory to clean the floor that is seen while sitting. I have been known to never see someone (guy) when the bathroom was disgusting. Let me make it clear: Mine is NEVER that bad. But for the uber fastidious, I do make an effort.
I digress. What is it that drives us (I know I am not the only one) to go nuts with the cleaning? Did our foremothers sweep out the cave when the neighboring tribe was coming to harvest berries? Were they nuts about making sure the twigs for kindling were all neatly put in the basket? Did they clean the basket first?
Deep down, I know no one cares if I cleaned off the lid of the trash can. And I still do it.
I know when I go to someone's home, it has to be pretty awful before I even notice.
Is there some psychology about our chromosomes and the perception of cleanliness?
The rest of the place is calling my name.